The blank page awaits me again. The last one was here a year ago. It was the day after I had spent the night in the ER. I was driving home from a women’s ministry event and the weight of all that was happening around me finally took me down. I was as close to a mental breakdown as one could be. I was stressed, exhausted, miserable, dehydrated and done. Instead of staying in the hospital for three days like the doctor suggested I chose to walk out and do whatever it took to get my life back under control. That next morning, I was here. . .staring at the blank page. As a writer, the blank page is something I am very comfortable with but this time it was completely different. The words that would end up on that page would reveal all the pain that had led me to the ER and what I was willing to do to deal with it and move forward. That blank page would become a letter to myself and in time would prove to have been one of the most important pieces I had ever written.
Thankfully, this blank page that awaits me today isn’t here because of a trip to the ER. It isn’t here because of things that I need to deal with about my past nor is it here to help me deal with pain or heartache. This blank page has nothing to do with my past. It has everything to do with my future. I don’t have to look behind me anymore. My past is what it is. Nothing I can do, nothing I can feel, nothing I can say or write will change it and for the first time in my life, that’s ok with me. It’s mine. . .all of it. The good and the bad, the happy and the sad. . .all mine forever just the way it is. It’s done but I’m not!
I suppose that realizing that should have come to me much sooner than now. Perhaps for some of you, this seems a little crazy that I hadn’t known that all along. And maybe for the rest of you, you just got that like I did. It is what it is or maybe I should say, “It was what it was.” Embrace it. Own it. Deal with it and move forward. Let today hold for you all the possibilities that are before you not all the things that are behind you. I plan on doing just that. May the blank page that awaits me today reveal the desires of my heart and may it move me confidently in the direction of all my hopes and dreams for the rest of my tomorrows.
About Me
- Tammy King
- My first book, The Winds of Change, marked a place in my life when everything around me changed. I realized that I had been on auto-pilot for years and had no idea where I was, how I got there or where I was headed. It has been 3 long years since that time in my life but I made it. Today, I am headed in the direction I want to go, with my hands on the wheel and an incredible destination in sight. As I begin my blog, I think back over the last few months. My precious daddy recently passed away and for a while I wanted everything to stop - for life to hush and be still for a minute so I could catch my breath. That didn't happen - life goes on and the days will continue to come and go even if you and I refuse to participate. There is no pause button. Our lives, in good times and bad, continue to move along uninterrupted by our circumstances. This is how my blog got it's name and I'd like to dedicate it to my daddy who taught me that everyday is worth celebrating! This will be an amazing journey for those of you who decide to come along. Welcome to Life Uninterrupted!
2 comments:
Tammy,
I could have written this exact post in 2001 but instead of going to a hospital I fled to Missouri to my life long friend. I stayed there for 3 months healing. Came back home and tried to breath life into a "dead" marriage for 18 months. Then decided that God did not put me on this earth to be so miserable.
Fast forward, I'm here with a smile on my face. You are so right...you gotta leave it in the past...can't change it's gone...just look forward and go for it!
Debbie
Sometimes I think we are each other's role models. You were sure mine last year. Losing mother, mother-in-law, and godmother to my children all in one year has been devastating. You are right! Life does not stop and you have to keep dealing. In Jeremiah, it says HE directs our steps and I really have to let HIM do it, not me or someone other human. However, retirement from the scheduled job looks sweeter each day.
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